also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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