finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
