i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
