biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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