I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just gift wrapped bread.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
