Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
