I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
