come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
