Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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