Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
