I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
