Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
