Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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