it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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