i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
