I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
