he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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