i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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