Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
