i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Two words: blizzard sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
