Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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