You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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