she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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