porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
