how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
