are you still at the devil's house?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Found the puke drawer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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