I want to make a zoo with you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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