I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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