She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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