All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
