a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
