You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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