So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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