You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
