guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
