one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
