I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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