Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
did you just send me my own nude
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
