You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
