break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
