how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
