i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
