if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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