So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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