she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
