Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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