she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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