my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
