you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry about my life...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
