I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
