my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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