she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
